I am 24 years old and have only been married for three months. I found out recently that my husband has a child outside our marriage and I only found out because the lady called me on phone to inform me that she has a two-year old son for my husband. She also told me she would be moving in with us because she wants her son to grow up in his father’s house. Dear Esther, I am so confused and sad about this development, especially when I just discovered I am few weeks pregnant myself.
I have very calmly and politely asked my husband about this other woman and her baby, and he admitted that he had the child. He also told me it happened before he met me and that they broke up before she called him months later to say she was pregnant. He has been very unhappy about the situation, has been begging for my forgiveness and has also assured me that he will never allow her move in with us.
All the same, I feel like the whole world is cashing in on me. I love my husband so dearly. I wish this never happened. I want to forgive him but each time I remember that phone call, I feel hurt and betrayed. How do I deal with this pain?
–Frustrated woman, Abuja.
Dear frustrated woman,
Believe me when I say I can imagine your pain. First of all, that baby’s mother had no business calling you; no right whatsoever to call your number and talk with you. Your husband needs to set the boundaries and rules in his relationship with her, and define how things are going to be handled. Your marriage deserves to be respected by her, and regardless of whatever issues she may have with your husband, she needs to work them out and not take them out on you and your marriage.
That said, you have stated how much you love your husband. The only thing you need now is to forgive him and accept the situation as something you cannot change. He needs your love and support at this time. Both of you must agree to move in a positive direction together and let love, not frustration guide you. Embrace a positive approach to this situation. The goal in marriage should be to grow together and not let the unresolved negativity, especially of the past, push the two of you apart. You are already on the right path, just push it a notch higher by forgiving his past mistake. I pray that God helps you two to overcome this. Here is wishing you all the best.