Mrs. Chinenye Nwaobi is the Founder and LeadCoach of Serenus Consult. She is a premium family coach that deploys emotionalintelligence tools, grief specialist and family system tools to help her clientsrise above challenges in order to attain serenity for optimal mental health,stability and peak performance. In this interview, Chinenye Nwaobi spoke onissues relating to marriage, family, child-upbringing, the birth of SerenusConsult and her opinion on divorce. CYRIACUS NNAJI reports.
Let’s meet you, and what do you do?
Good evening, glad to have you here for this interview. I amChinenye Nwaobi, my parent gave me the name “Chinenye” and marriage gave me thename “Nwaobi” and I have recently chosen an addition for myself, I call myself“The family serenity activator”, this is because I activate serenity infamilies with couples and parents, in organizations and even individually inthe cause of the work I do. There is a lot of disarray occurring in the homewhich has skyrocketed with the pandemic.
This most often extends to business places, because if truth betold, if the home front is in disarray it affects productivity all round, soyou know when frustrated and dissatisfied families(couples) who desire personalthoughtful solution focused to gain serenity and autonomy. I deliver thatthrough high performance coaching.
Tell us about your business and the name
Serenus Consult was birthed from my journey and story with familytrauma of grief. So some couple of years back, on a very bright Saturdaymorning at about 6 am, I lost an angel, but heaven gained. This took me throughthe lane of slight depression, but having gone through that lane I chose not toremain there; as I sought for solution. I needed to help myself, my childrenand entire family as I watched my children through grief themselves. This tookme on a journey of personal development, where initially I went in search ofclosure, but in that my purpose for existence found me. I also have a bookcoming out on my story with grief.
I struggled with embracing this purpose for a couple of yearsseeing that co-manage a hospitality business but with time I realized thathumanity needs me as more and more people came to me in search of solutionparticularly married people, parents, and I began to ask myself, is this not acall to serve humanity? So gradually I embraced this call officially a year agoand since then, it has been one victory story to another as I witness livestransform and heal on this journey.
You are always busy, how you relax?
Being busy is relative as I personal share the belief thateverything has got it’s time and place. Relaxation in the cause of workingshould not conflict when you are able to find harmony between them. These daysyou hear people talk about work/life balance, but truth is that there is nosuch thing like work/life balance. There can’t be a balance hence the focusshould be in finding harmony.
You had a webinar yesterday,what did you set out to achieve in that webinar?
The objective of yesterday’s webinar titled “Six new ways toovercome painful conflict in marriage”, you would hear me stress that word‘painful’ that is because conflict itself in marriage is not something that isbad entirely, as people perceive it because truth be told you cannot take awayconflict away from marriage, just like every other challenges we have in life,conflict in marriage is also one of them. However when it is not properlyhandled, it degenerates to being painful. Hence the objective of yesterday’swebinar was to equip participants on the six powerful and practical new ways toovercoming painful conflicts because there is a lot of generalized teaching outthere. It was action oriented in that it brings out the problem using the modeland give you steps to the solutions.
Your Guest Speaker at thewebinar stressed that your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. Do youconcur with that assertion?
Certainly, your spouse can never be responsible for yourhappiness. In fact, no one can be responsible for your happiness, not yourspouse, not your mother, not your brother, sister, no one but you, because itis your life and this happiness lies in your definition of happiness which issole dependent on how wholesome you are. Meaning you take full responsibilityof whatever happens in your life.
If by chance you are lucky enough to have a spouse who brings youhappiness, well that is a bonus, and we celebrate that, but it is not aresponsibility on the part of your spouse to guarantee your happiness as happinesscomes from within, it is not something that exists without. Seeing that it hasto radiate from within no one can guarantee that, and for you to be trulyhappy, So if you look at all these critically you will agree with me that it isimpossible for someone else to exist within you and guarantee your happiness,hence someone cannot be responsible for your happiness even if they be yourspouse.
So why is it difficult for spouse to align with the thoughts,preferences and prejudices of their partner?
I choose not to look at it from the point of difficulty, wewouldn’t say it is difficult for your spouse to align because if you say that,that would be a wrong assertion, because there must be something, one thingthat you both agree on, however in answering that question directly, so manythings could contribute to you disagreeing with your spouse, not necessarilybecause your spouse is difficult in aligning but because you are two differentindividuals, from two different backgrounds, different environments,upbringing, different experiences, and you view the world from different lens,now coming together to become a pair “a couple”. Every environment you haveever been exposed to, the church, mosque, the school, the market place, everyenvironment you have ever been exposed to and you will agree with me that notwo same persons must have been exposed to exact same environment, the sameupbringing, the same experiences, and that is why you are bound to disagree oncertain things, it is just natural that you disagree on certain things.
This question might sound funny, but let me ask, why do people gointo marriage?
People go into marriage for different reasons. So in answering thequestion why do people go into marriage, I would say that question applies to theindividuals involved. It is not a question that I can solely answer to. However,I would throw in some examples, some people go into marriage for companionship,financial security, sexual gratification, procreation, some go into marriagebecause they feel it is the next thing to be done, some because they want toplease God, some due to pressured; there are thousand and one reasons why peoplego into marriage. The only person who can effectively and correctly answerthis question are the individuals in the marriage as the reasons vary from oneperson to another.
What are those things that can bring about disharmony in home andwhat should couples do when they begin to observe those things?
There are so many causes of conflicts as touched upon on duringthe webinar, there are cases of unmet expectation, personality clash, financialchallenges, boundary equations, sexual issues, child’s upbringing, lack ofawareness of the place a marriage occupy in the family dynamics are some of thereasons people conflict in marriage but not exhaustive.
Issues of conflict in marriage are so diverse that we cannotexhaust it one interview.
Someone said marriage is an institution in which there is nograduation, now is there at any point in time that you would say oh, thiscouple should go their ways. Do you advocate divorce in marriage?
A couple may go their separate way if there is a threat toanyone’s life. However, it is not in my place to decide whether a couple shouldbe together or divorce so I would not choose the word “advocate”
In the work I do, my role is not to advocate but to guide clientto elicit the most empowering response to their desire.
You write books, how far is that going?
I didn’t want to bring that up in this interview because the bookis still in the oven, but it is something we are looking at launching thisyear, and it is going to address the issue of parents today and adversechildhood experiences (ACE)
Your advice to women or put the other way, couples, bearing inmind the present economic condition and the conflict it is likely to bring inhomes
I was curious as to your reason to advice women on the subjectmatter but I am very glad you rephrased that question because when you saywomen, then that would be bias.
In a marriage it takes two to make that marriage work, so how cana woman save a marriage that the man has decided to destroy and the same goesfor the man? No matter how hard they try. So in answering your question withregards to advice for couples, my advice is for couples to align and form ateam.
How can somebody reach you?
You can reach us through our: Email: ask @serenusconsult.com, Phone no.:08171964889
Is it possible to raise good children by parents that are alwaysin conflict mood?
Truth is that parenting is a large percentage of modeling, so whatare you modeling to your child? Because the world the child knows is what thechild sees around the home. So is it possible to conflict and still raise agood child? Yes it is possible if that child is taken away from thatenvironment, because parenting now is not necessarily biological parents, youcould be a parent by adoption, care giving, etc.
Where does Serenus Consult see itself in the next five years,growth wise?
Five years from now Serenus Consult should have touched at least5000 lives, brought serenity to about 100 families because basically we wish totouch one life at a time, and any life that is touched skyrockets to touch somany other lives around them.
May be there is something you would want to say to summarize thisinterview
In summary the work we do entails coaching, therapy, counseling,training, human capital management and then if you have speaking engagementstoo, you can invite us.
After your webinar which was adjudged a success, do you haveintention of physical event in the nearest future?
Certainly, we would not remain Virtual all the time; so thepandemic made a lot of businesses go online, so live event is sure to come up,and in the event of any such you will be adequately informed.