By Malachy Uzendu
Immersed in the blood of Jesus, I am strengthened and have the effrontery to write this letter to you, dreaded Corona Virus. I write not because I have any knowledge of your ancestry, I am completely ignorant, and neither do I wish to take the risk of making any attempt to do so.
Some scientists and analysts claim you were s product of one of the powerful Western countries, ostensibly to crack down the intensity and fame of another powerful nation, far-flung in the Eastern hemisphere. Some other busy bodies claim you are an ordinary laboratory object spewed by some mischievous scientists to slow down technological alacrity of some these other growing economies, same way they claim of HIV/AIDS. Yet, some know-it-all claim you were to be unleashed on some often relegated humanity, but that you escaped where you were bottled up and went gage, causing these unexpected devastations.
Whatever you are is not important at this point. It is important that you have suddenly become the global subject matter. Your capacity at destroying humanity is not in doubt. Those who doubt your strength, are committing suicide and are on depthless voyage to nowhere. No country would want your off-spring, or your notorious self to pay them a visit, no matter how short such a visit would be.
But, I am nursing a different idea, somehow different from the rest of us, especially in Nigeria. I would like you to just hang about in the air, very far from contact from the ordinary human beings in our country. I know you are extremely dangerous, but you can be exceptionally important here in Nigeria. There are certain categories of people here that I would like you to pay a visit, even if for a split second. I know the implications have already sent shivers down the spine of some people. Therefore, I would like you to condition yourself in such a manner that the target subjects should be the only ones to get a handshake with your notorious self.
And so dear Corona Virus, I would like you to visit to those people who have been holding Nigeria in the dungeon; those who corner our economy and fleece it illegally abroad, as if “tomorrow no dey”. People who open surreptitious bank account in some very distant countries, in names and particulars they soon forget after they have embarked on such ignoble journey. Those unpatriotic people have continuously been making Nigeria a laughing stock.
Kindly visit people whose specialty is to unleash electoral fraud on the nation. Those people that hire thugs to unleash violence on the law abiding members of the electorate; those who obtain hired killers to set people ablaze even while they are in their homes or moving along the streets and do not bother a hoot about the consequences of their actions. There are people who unleash violence that have cost the lives of law abiding members of the electorate to the extent that there is growing fear among them not to ever come out and cast ballot during elections.
Despicable Corona Virus, I implore on you to please visit all those Nigerian political prostitutes who change political parties like wrapper, believing in the mantra of “every government in power”; those who feel it is their right to serve in every government; whose who believe it does not matter if there should be political ideology or not. Those who feel they have a right to eat where they did not sow and corner the common good to themselves and their families and circle of friends alone.
Kindly visit those who insist that merit will never count in our governance lexicon, and that only their children have a right to employment, while the children of the rest vast majority of Nigerians are confined to riding “okada” or “Keke” or confined to other menial jobs irrespective of their academic pedigree; those who do secret employment or carry our replacement are in this category. Also, those who have sworn to several affidavits changing names, dates of birth, dates of first appointment and all other data they can change.
Kindly visit those Nigerians who manipulate their ways, fleece shareholders fund in banks and other companies, letting the public believe such banks are insolvent and find a way to use third parties to buy them back for a penny and still go scot free.
Please come, hover around and keep an eye on those Nigerians and collaborators that sponsor killer herdsmen who invade communities and unleash tears, sorrow and blood on sleepy communities; those who purchase AK-47, Ak-48 and AK-49 for mere riff-raff elements to spew the blood of the innocent. You know what I also mean, those who sponsor kidnappings and sundry crimes; those who have illegally imported small arms and light weapons, making the ordinary Nigerian feel unsafe and unsecure.
There are those who dispense justice anyhow and have made the nation’s judiciary a laughing stock. Some of them tell us it is more important to discuss the apparel of judges than the matter in dispute and so, truncate justice. There are those who feel their self-prestige is worth more deserving than collective national disgrace. And so, have turned our judiciary to worth no more than two for a penny in the eyes of the ordinary people on the streets. These people have made the ordinary man prefer self help to approaching our courts for adjudication.
Despicable Corona Virus, I can continue to list the parameters ceaselessly, but I have to stop so far for want of space. Kindly accord positive attention to my pleadings and let none discourage you from embarking on this journey, which as I told you should be restricted to those who have such ignoble qualities.
Till I assess your ability to satisfactorily carry out the contract I handed over to you, be rest assured of my esteemed regards.
I remain, the author of the WHITE LINES column on The AUTHORITY Newspapers.